The Midtown Ledger

All the news from the Midtown tower that the building’s management would rather you didn’t read.

Fiction. The characters, diaries, legends and reports are invented. The lift and the lair are real.

Lift Stops Between Floors. Again.

Storm knocks out power in Midtown tower; passengers report “an office that isn’t on the directory”.

A lift in a Midtown office tower stalled between the seventh and eighth floors during last night’s electrical storm, the building’s management has confirmed.

Passengers who forced open the doors described an office with maps on the walls and a plaque on the wall, and asked to speak to whoever was in charge of floor seven and a half. Management said there is no such floor and hung up.

“I signed them in. I didn’t sign them out. They went out the back way, I suppose.” — Gus Pagano, night doorman

Noodle Shop Reports Record Thursday

The Lucky Noodle’s biggest single order goes to an address with no floor number.

The Lucky Noodle on the corner had its busiest Thursday on record this week, thanks largely to a single order of forty-two serves to the Midtown tower.

Owner Frankie Lo said the order came with exact change, no chilli and a note reading “for the meeting”. Asked which meeting, Frankie said it was none of the Ledger’s business, and offered us a fortune cookie.

“Forty-two serves, no chilli. That’s a meeting. That’s a big meeting.” — Frankie Lo

Detective Rides Lift Forty Times

Midtown Precinct’s Ruth Calloway tests a theory; lift declines to cooperate.

Detective Ruth Calloway spent Tuesday evening riding a lift in the Midtown tower up and down, forty times, in what she described as “an investigation”.

The lift stopped on every floor on the directory and none that weren’t. “It knows,” the detective told the Ledger, before taking the stairs.

“There’s a floor in that building. I just can’t find the button.” — Detective Ruth Calloway

Electrician Blames Storm

Sixth rewiring of the Midtown lift ends the same way as the first five.

Benny “Volts” Ruggiero has rewired the lift in the Midtown tower for the sixth time this year, and has once again been called back after it stopped between floors.

“It’s the storm,” said Volts. “It’s always the storm.” Asked why the storm only ever stops the lift at one particular height, he said that was above his pay grade, which was a joke, and nobody laughed.

“I fix it. It breaks. I fix it. Somebody likes it broken.” — Benny “Volts” Ruggiero

A Floor Found Under Hay Street

Perth crews report the same stuck lift, the same office and the same plaque, a long way from Midtown.

Reports have reached the Ledger of a lift that stops between floors in The Basement under Hay Street Mall in Perth, and of an office on the other side that matches ours down to the noodle box.

The Chair of a certain organisation declined to comment on whether it has opened a branch office.

“No comment. Also, we are not an organisation.” — The Chair

Real: Hitman plays at Escape This Perth CBD, The Basement, 712–720 Hay Street Mall, and has since July 2022.